How come they always load the tables onset with mountains of food? It looks really good, tastes really good and makes you fat. You'd think they'd take that into consideration, I mean, after certain scenes, you can really work up an appetite, especially if it has more than one take. Not saying I'm a health freak, but with the way I eat, I'm surprised you can't roll me about!

Haha! It must be my excellent exercise regime I do at least every night. A great work out.

I do believe I had an orgasm. I do believe it is it in my possession, oh yes! I've been playing all day~! Picked it up from Tokyo. I wanted to try an ESP LTD and see the difference. It's lighter, cheaper, I love it. It's a Viper 200FM mmmm dark cherry! Specs are pretty good aswell!

Finally mastered the solo for Slayers Seasons in the Abyss! And Avenged Sevenfold - Almost Easy. Blood blister huuuurts. I bought a new strap aswell. Guuuuuh it's just so goooood! It's been a whilse since I played guitar, I'm surprised I could remember the chords. Father never liked the idea of the guitar, he tried to get me into more classical instruments, like the piano...I never had the patience and didn't want to play something that you just sat for.

Aaah, I feel on top of the world right now!

I got the tree up! With tinsel and the lights and all kinds of dangley stuff! It looks great if I say so myself! I want to have a big Christmas dinner. Busy myself with something cause I have too much on my mind right now! All these thoughts, it's exhausting.

I took baby steps! I managed to get shopping done and only had one really bad attack! Luckily there was a nail shop right there so I distracted myself with a manicure. Then I got home and uh...ruined it all by closing the curtains again. I need to get over this.

I like it when things go well. I even got a Christmas card from Seles!! No reason why she disappeared...but it's really nice to know she's doing good and not ill anymore. She's my little sister, I can't stop caring for her!

I had a photoshoot the other day! I got to wear a santa hat. Christmas special or something, didn't pay too much attention, to busy loving the outfit! Well okay...it's not really an outfit. A had and underwear. BUT STILL! They let me have it. So I have ideas!

Only four left to buy for on my list...Aaah they're so difficult aswell!

Tohru~! I got you something aswell!!

Has it...really become that time of year again? A whole year gone by again, more snow.

I...ugh! I want to go see her.

I called Father. I think I nearly gave him a heart attack.

Tohru...you're right. I guess I should just...listen to what he has to say. Meeting with him tomorrow after he's out the office.

I'm scared, I haven't really sat down and spoke with him since I was...maybe 12. Well, it wasn't long before I left anyway.

Still don't want the business though.

I fucked up big time. I seem to be doing that a lot recently.

I didn't for anything like this to happen, and I'm stuck in such a hard place. My mind is everywhere, I can't think straight. I'm so fed up that a large part of me just wants to turn back time and avoid all the shit I did.

I've hurt people and I'm still doing it. I try not to, I really do. I've lost what I had, and that was such a good anchor. It stopped me from being the idiot I was over a year ago. But...I gave in, didn't I? I'm sorry.

This place seems so cold, I can't stand being here anymore. Where ever I look I get memories and I just want to curl up and forget the world around me. Why is it always this time of year where bad things happen?

I've hurt so many people, maybe it'd be better if I just left everything? Started something new in another place? But...I can't let go. I don't want to let go. And vodka is no longer my friend.

I cancelled the job because I didn't want to be away. I didn't want to leave and come back to nothing. Running away...really isn't the best option. Would it make people angry? Would people be hurt more if I did?

I need more time to straighten my thoughts. I don't want to talk to him. And I doubt Kyo'll want to see me, or listen to me.

[Private - Agon]

How dare you. How dare you! I said I would do it! I said I would tell him when I was ready. When it was a good time!

Don't you dare talk to me. Not until I've calmed down. I can't even think about you right now, without wanting to rip you to pieces.

You don't get it, do you? It would have been better to come from me.

Stay away from me.

[/Private]

I called my Agent and took up a job.

I'll be out of the city for a month, I leave in two weeks. Might be back for Christmas for a few days.

I'm leaving my cell.

FREE FOR A MONTH!!! A MONTH OF NOTHING...THIS IS AMAZING! I NEED THE BREAK~~~!

Halloween...everyone's talking about it! So...I'm trying to think of a costume. Last year was a maid...Anyone have any ideas?

My mind is going blank. Pippy Longstockings? Or whatever her name is? Can get dungarees. Or uh...I don't know .__.

I managed two weeks without a cigarette.

Dad was pestering me again.

The fucker doesn't get the hint!

Don't bother me! You never paid attention to me as a kid as I grew up. You thought I was a mistake. You both did. Just...get the fuck out of my life! ARG!

It's kind of bad though. He's only calling me, cause he's getting real sick and needs someone to run the company.

It's probably just a cold.

Asshole.

I don't want to own a company.

Woops. I just completely forgot about this thing.

I'M ALIVE!! And working...but it's only shoots, so it's not so bad. Kyo has to work late again .___.

You'd think those guys would be able to get a hold on situations. Whatever they are.


Having fun~ YUM!